Russian-Themed drinks for tomorrow’s Comey Hearing #DayDrinking 🥃

Ah, the sweet taste of impeachment! Full of treason, obstruction of justice, and collusion… What else would we expect from America’s Commander in Pussy-Grabbing?!

What better way to celebrate and watch it all go down than with a drink, or two, or five!!

Here’s a list of “Russian-Inspired” drinks that will help you feel festive, if nothing else, while watching it all go down on a fake news channel of your choice! Here’s a hint, they all have vodka.

The Honorary White Russian aka “The Kushner”

You too could taste like deceit, lies, with undertones of Trump’s fragrance line and hints of Penicillin.


2oz Vodka
1oz Coffee Liqueur
Heavy Cream
(Recipe and Image from Liquor.com)

The “Are You Loyal To Me” Martini

The President asks everyone this question, even Melania! Now you can look just as paranoid, questioning the vermouth while whole-heartedly trusting Russia… Vodka. I meant to say Vodka. 


6 parts Vodka
1 part Dry Vermouth
Shake in a ice-filled shaker
Strain in a martini glass
Garnish with one or two olives, depending on how dirty that delicious testimony is
(Image from Liquor.com)

The Mail-Order Bride who Won’t Hold My Hand

God Save Melania. I wouldn’t touch that hand with a 10 foot pole! The sacrifices she makes for Cartier… What an American, err Slovenian Hero! 


4oz White Cranberry Juice
2oz Vodka
1oz Triple Sec
Shake in an Ice-Filled Shaker and strain 
Garnish with your favorite berry! 
Alternatively, you could use red Cranberry juice, but let’s be real.. this administration likes nothing of color! 
(Image from Purple Clover Events)

The Bad Hair Day, All- Day, Everyday

After daydrinking, you too could look just like our commander in chief! Extra points if you can score home-grown cucumbers from the Russian compound in Maryland! 


1 Cucumber, cut into 3 chunks
2oz Fresh Lime Juice
10-15 mint leaves, from 4 sprigs of mint
1.5oz Simple Syrup
3oz Vodka
Muddle 1 of the cucumber chunks along with everything else except the vodka in a shaker. Really get that Cucumber mushed down into bits. Just focus on the popular vote vs electoral votes in this past election, and this should do the trick.
Add ice and your vodka to the cocktail shaker. Strain and serve.
You can garnish with Cucumber slices or snack on your leftover Cucumber chunks. Alternatively, make more of these! They’re yummy!
(Image from Pinterest, Recipe is derived from one on Food52)

The Golden Shower before the 3AM Tweet

Tastes like hooker piss and delusion! Pairs nicely with Ambien. 


5oz Orange Juice
2oz Vodka
Serve Chilled or on the rocks 
(Recipe and Image from Mix That Drink)

The Whistle Blower came from my Twitter

When this day finally comes, this will be all I drink. Our take on the mimosa, with pear nectar and monk fruit! Fancy!! 🥂


Put a few drops of Pear Nectar in each flute and sprinkle with Monk Fruit powder. It’s great for the skin, and will sweeten it up a bit!
Top with Champagne of your choice.
Garnish with a Sliced Pear
Revel in our American Glory!
(Image from Robust Recipes)

 

Although I hear Trump doesn’t drink, he may need a few of these concoctions after tomorrow’s hearing!

Lock Him Up,

B




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Red, White, and Blue Sangria🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Over the Memorial Day Weekend, I was craving Sangria. I had to work most of the weekend, but was finally able to enjoy the Memorial Day holiday on Monday.

I was feeling patriotic and grateful for all of those who served and are serving in our armed forces. I concocted a patriotic sangria that was perfect for Memorial Day, will be perfect for the 4th of July, and even something delicious to sip on during election night in November!

It was red, white, blue, and delicious! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did! 

Ingredients

2 cups fresh strawberries, hulled, and halved (quartered, if large)

1 cup frozen sour cherries

1 cup frozen blueberries

1 1/2 oz cognac

1 1/2 oz St. Germain liqueur 

1 bottle of chilled, dry white wine, reisling or Sauvignon Blanc work well

Instructions

Add fruit to a pitcher, add cognac and St Germain. Lightly muddle fruit with liqueurs. Let chill in refrigerator for one hour. 

Add chilled wine to pitcher. Serve over ice if desired. Ladle some fruit into each glass!

Sip and Celebrate America, baby! 


The Coven Party

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays! The air is getting crispier, the leaves are rustling, and not so far off in the distance you can hear a witch cackle after she sips her brew!

I’ve always wanted to have a witch-themed party. My favorite Wizard of Oz character was the wicked witch of the west. I loved Hocus Pocus and Practical Magic growing up. I may have (or still) dabble in a little harmless trickery now and then… 😉

So I decided, in July, that this years theme would be “A Coven Party.” I only wanted to invite the women in my family to the event. 13, to be exact.

A ‘Coven’ is defined as a group or gathering of witches who meet regularly. (Thanks Google)

This was the perfect unifying theme for my Halloween party. An evening full of mysticism, great food, and laughter. We scheduled the evening to transpire during the Blood Moon in October.

What a magical night! We were faced with some challenges like heavy rains and wind, but after a spell (okay, and a few prayers) the rain cleared and our party was all set to take center stage.

The menu for the evening consisted of an autumn harvest theme starting with a Caramelized Shallot Soup with sautéed chestnuts and Gruyere cheese. We then served roasted fall vegetables and wild rice with balsamic mushrooms. The main course was a roasted pork loin with roasted persimmons and mustard greens. Everyone loved it!

The decorations were planned and made for weeks leading up to the party! The living room was our tribute to the witch of folk tales with spiders on the walls and ceiling. Ghastly curtains and upholstery covered the windows and furniture.

The dining room was centered as our practicing witch tribute. The dining room table served as an alter with straw, snakes, green eggs, and frogs. Also served as the place where all of our appetizers and desserts would be served. Witch sugar cookies, pumpkin breads, apples, and pumpkin Whoopie pies were all enjoyed after the feast while devilish eggs, cheeses, hummus, and assorted toasts were served prior to the meal.

Since we did the meal outside by our pool, we wanted to make a whimsical and magical environment for the evening, but keeping safety in check so no one fell in the pool. We took the prunings from our trees and bushes and placed them in large planters. We then took holiday lights and wrapped them around the clippings.

The centerpiece of our dinner table were two L Brackets drilled to a plywood base and then two somewhat large pruned branches were drilled into the L bracket to stand on their own. We put faux birds in the tree and laid pumpkins on the base, green of course. Glittered bugs, snakes, and spiders were all over the table with lots of Spanish moss.

The tablescape, the decor, and the food all made this night a smashing success! I hope you all find some inspiring ideas on here to go out and create your own Halloween party!

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I hope you enjoyed our Coven festivities! Happy Halloween!!

A Ghoul’s Night Out

Halloween is almost here!! Well not almost, but will be here before you know it!

I’ve teamed up with Liz Bell, host of ‘Mornings with Liz Bell,’ on the new Warm 103.3 to provide you with a party full of cocktails and crafts to keep the “Ghoul’s Night Out” a tradition that lasts for years to come!

Send me your creations on Instagram @morbidhomemaker, I can’t wait to see what you all come up with!

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Bloody Scary Cocktail and Bloody Mary Mix (serves 8)

4 cups tomato juice
Juice of 1 lemon
2 tsp prepared horseradish
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp hot sauce
3/4 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp fresh cracked pepper
1/2 tsp old bay seasoning
Celery (for garnish)
Radish eyeballs (recipe follows)

Mix all ingredients, and store in an airtight container for up to one week.

To make the Bloody Scary cocktail, fill a tall skinny glass with ice. Pour 1 1/2oz of icy cold vodka and 6oz of your homemade Bloody Mary mix over the ice and stir. Garnish with a stalk of celery and/or a radish eyeball on a skewer if you dare.

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Radish Eyeball garnish

8 Radishes
8 Green Stuffed Olives
8 Black Whole Peppercorns (optional)

Wash, lightly scrub, and dry your radishes. Peel the radishes leaving small strips of the skin on the radish to mimic broken blood vessels.

Take a small melon baller or paring knife and cut a small circular hole in the radish.

Place the olive inside the cut hole of the radish, and stuff a black peppercorn in the center of the red pimento in the olive.

Place your radish eyeballs in a small dish or on skewers to stir a bloody scary cocktail! These also make an awesome, show stopping garnish to a martini, or more appropriately, a “Boo-Tini.”

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Devilish Eggs
(Served 8 to 10)

10 hard boiled eggs
1 roasted red pepper
3Tbsp mayonnaise
3tsp Dijon mustard
1-2tsp hot sauce
Salt and pepper (to taste)
Poppy seeds (optional)

Slice the hard boiled eggs in half lengthwise and place the egg yolks into a food processor. Set egg whites to the side. Add remaining ingredients and put on high speed until combined and puréed, about 30-45 seconds. Season with salt and pepper.

Place the egg white halves onto a serving platter. Transfer the roasted red pepper yolk mixture to a heavy duty ziploc bag. Close the bag, and snip a bottom corner of the bag, allowing you to pour the mixture into your egg halves without making a mess.

Garnish with poppy seeds. Serve immediately or keep refrigerated until guests arrive, but no more than 3 hours. Enjoy this spooky snack with a bloody scary cocktail!

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Découpage Pumpkins

Découpage is one of my favorite ways to embellish pumpkins during the Autumn months. I like black lace on an orange or white pumpkin because it mimics an intricately spun spiderweb. Feel free to make this craft extend well into Autumn by using fern fronds or other small greenery to découpage on a pumpkin instead of lace. This makes a great centerpiece or decoration for the Thanksgiving table.

You will need:
Mod Podge, or other découpage adhesive
Craft Paint Brush
Scissors
1 yard of black lace
2 White or Orange pumpkins and/or funkins, small and medium sized.
Decorative Ribbon (optional)

To make the small pumpkin:

Apply a thin layer of Découpage glue with your craft paint brush around the top of the pumpkin, ideally where you’d like the lace to set.

Using the scissors, cut the lace into triangular pieces, and arrange around the pumpkin with the sharp point of the triangle facing downwards. Apply more glue to the adhered lace to secure it to the pumpkin. Continue arranging the lace pieces around the pumpkin until your desired pattern is achieved. Let dry. You may tie a bow in black ribbon and tie it to the stem of the pumpkin, if desired.

To make the large pumpkin:

Apply a thin layer of Découpage glue with your craft paint brush around the top of the pumpkin, ideally where you’d like the lace to set.

Using the scissors, remove any thick wired border that may be attached on your lace, and trim, if needed, to fit around the pumpkin.

Start laying the lace onto the pumpkin, brushing with glue as you go. You will need to curve the lace to create a circle of lace around the pumpkin, so make small pleats in your lace as you work your way around the top of the pumpkin. The Glue will hold your lace into place. Continue working your way around the pumpkin, pleating the lace as needed until the ends of the lace meet each other. Brush with more glue as needed. Let dry.

**Tip: if you’ve never worked with Découpage glue, remember this… It goes on white and dries clear. Don’t fret if your lace looks like it’s saturated with glue. In about an hour or two, the glue will dry and your pumpkins will be ready for those trick-or-treaters! Now go get that candy…

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Have a happy Halloween and a great start to your Autumn season!

Don’t forget to send me your autumn creations and Halloween party tips and tricks on Instagram @morbidhomemaker. Can’t wait to see what you are brewing up this Halloween!

– b –

Mango + Coconut

Certain things are just made for each other! The beach and the sand… The wolf and the moon…. Jay-Z and Beyoncé…

A good smoothie is no different! Frozen Mango chunks and Coconut water are the perfect pair for a refreshing and replenishing summer quencher!

Mango Coconut Smoothie

2 cups Frozen Mango Chunks
1 1/2 cups Coconut Water
Juice of 1 Lime

Add ingredients to a blender and blend on high until combined.

Hit the pool, hit the beach, or hit the bay… This summer quencher will have you savoring every sip!

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Saturday Sip: The West Coast

It’s 80 degrees, low humidity, and not a cloud in the sky. Your friends are coming over to lounge by the pool and expect to be quenched. Instead of opting for bottled varieties, why not make your own tipper? They’re much more satisfying than a sugared down bottle of soda and way more classy than wine coolers or god forbid, Beer!

I like to experiment with my food. Complimenting tastes and textures is a hobby of mine when I’m in the kitchen.

The rules stay the same when I’m mixing up a cocktail or baking
for an occasion. It has to taste great, and look pretty! (Also requirements for the future husband)

This spin on the cape cod, a traditional summer drink with cranberry juice, vodka, and citrus is one that I know you will love, and a drink you’ll be making all summer long!

I named it ‘The West Coast.’ It’s lime juice, pomegranate juice, and an infused cucumber syrup with the best quality gin make this drink memorable and festive. Perfect for graduation parties (college graduations,) birthday parties, 4th of July, and any other reason to drink! 😉

You will need a large pitcher. I like the skinny tall varieties with a stir stick.

Cut up on cucumber into slices.

Bring one cup of sugar and one cup of water to a boil until sugar dissolves and mixture gets syrupy. This is your simple syrup. If you want a strong cucumber flavor add your cucumber in while it’s being boiled down. If you prefer a subtle cucumber flavor, add the cucumber as soon as it becomes syrupy and you turn off the heat. Once the mixture has completely cooled remove the cucumber by straining your simple syrup into a Pyrex pour pitcher. You should has close to a cup of syrup.

In your large pitcher, add 1 1/4cups of Hendrick’s Gin. Do not use that bottom shelf shit!! Splurge on the best of the best for this concoction. To that add 1 1/2 cups of POM Pomegranate Juice, your cooled syrup, and the juice of 4-5 limes. Stir it up and chill it until the guests arrive!

You can serve this in iced Weck Jars, in highball glasses, or in Tom Collins glasses. If your albeit on the trashy side, plastic chinet will do the trick. These drinks are strong enough that nearly everyone will enjoy your poolside or summer party entertaining! Garnish with fresh mint, and place them on a napkin lined tray. Seersucker napkins would be perfect to serve these with as well!

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Martha’s Halloween Costume

A creative mind is a powerhouse of a tool to have. Having a holiday such as Halloween is like Christmas, per se, for a creative mind. It’s an outlet to let your mind and imagination run free. Defy odds, and make the impossible VERY possible. Add a touch of whimsy, a bit of shock, with the help of some glitter, and have Brian’s style of Halloween.

Martha Stewart has always been my go to gal for Halloween how-to. The recipes, ideas, projects, and costumes all inspire and have that touch of whimsy I admire so much in the spirit of Halloween.

This year Martha needs our help! She’s created some of the very best Halloween outfits over the years. Her outfits make headlines, grace the cover of her magazine, and are sometimes more talked about than the event she’s wearing them too. From everything to a life size moth, a ghastly ghoulish equestrienne, to a softer side like a golden goddess or the most elegant fairy godmother not even Disney could rival!

I’m including pictures of the costumes I made, some of the parties I’ve hosted where I made the decorations, and entertained like a pro. I want to leave my guests impressed and shut out the competition in the sense that they’ll never go to another Halloween party with so much attention paid to detail and creativity like that again… Until I host the next one. Enjoy!

20140608-080839-29319075.jpg “Motha” Stewart 😉

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“Lady Gaga” (this was in a Starbucks, I showed them that I crafted the lighted disco stick from a golf club stick, an LED Flashlight, and a grande domed Starbucks cup. Glued triangular beads to the side and wrapped with electrical tape, functional and really made the costume. The sunglasses were a pair of broken rhinestones Valentino’a that I glued triangular clear beads, sequins, and glitter to, to help create this look from “The Fame”

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Here I was an Aristocrat with a giant masquerade mask.

Below are some photos from the Halloween parties I’ve hosted and held. Entertaining has always been a favorite of mine. I love making crafts by hand, everything from hand crafted paper bag luminarias stenciled with pumpkin stencils to hand crafted beverages like a “Smoking Bloody Cosmopolitan”

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